Retrograde
by BonJeanne
Summary: Be the girl you love, I'll wait. So show me why you're strong, ignore everybody else. We're alone now.
1. Chapter 1

Summary and title credits go to Retrograde by James Blake

Hey everyone! This is my first multi-chapter fic, so here goes nothing.

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Chapter 1- Elizabeth who?

The night before...

 _Elizabeth walked into her home after yet another long day, and the smell of Chinese takeout greeted her._

" _Anybody home?" she called into the seemingly empty house._

" _Over here!" the voice of her eldest child called from the couch. Elizabeth kicked off her heels and walked to the living room. She kissed her daughter's forehead._

" _Hey, baby. Is Dad home?"_

" _Dad went up stairs to take a nap. I didn't want to wake him up," Stevie responded._

" _Okay. I'm just going to check on him. I'll be back down soon."_

" _Okay." Elizabeth jogged up the stairs and entered the bedroom. Her husband was wrapped up in the sheets but not asleep._

" _How are you?" she asked._

" _Fine," Henry replied curtly._

" _Right," Elizabeth said, not buying his lie. "Babe, you never answer in one word sentences." She kissed his forehead. "Henry, you're burning up. I think you have a fever."_

" _Hm," was the only response she got._

" _I'm going to check on you after dinner, okay?" He nodded but didn't speak._

" _Do you want anything to eat? I brought you a plate." She returned after quickly scarfing down some stir fry, but Henry wasn't in bed. She noticed the bathroom door open with the light on. "Baby?" she called, concerned. She found her beloved husband dry heaving to the toilet. "You need go to the ER."_

" _No."_

" _No? What do you mean 'no?' You're going to the hospital." With much effort, Elizabeth managed to help Henry down the stairs. Upon noticing the situation, Stevie bolted off of the couch._

" _Oh my God! Dad, are you okay?" she demanded._

" _I'm fine. Your mom is just being overly cautious," Henry grumbled._

" _Hush, Captain Stoical," Elizabeth said with an air of irritation, but was deep down relieved that he felt well enough to protest. To their daughter, she said, "I'm taking Dad to the hospital. I'll be in touch, but I want you to stay here with Ali and Jase, okay?" Stevie nodded in comprehension but stared at the pained expression on her father's face._

" _Madam Secretary?" A nurse was standing next to her with a clipboard. Elizabeth shot up. Not that she had been sleeping much. Mostly she had shut her eyes in an attempt to soothe her wound up nerves. First the dirty bomb, then Pakistan, and now this?_

" _Yes? Is everything okay? How is he?"_

" _We ran some tests, and it appears that your husband has an appendicitis. Luckily, we caught it before it ruptured, and he's in surgery now. The good news is that, most likely, he'll make a full recovery. We'll let you know when you can see him," the nurse informed her._

" _Thank you."_

She was easily the most beautiful thing he could ever see: Her eyes sparkled and her massive grin made his heart flutter. She seemed to radiate love and joy as she strode towards the hospital bed.

"Hello," he said with a silly smile and a burning blush that crept up his cheeks.

"I'm so glad you're alright!" she squealed. She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. He was too surprised to move. _This gorgeous woman is practically lying on top of me and kissed my cheek. Am I dreaming?_ His response, or lack thereof, caused her to pulled back and look into his eyes with concern. "Baby, what's wrong? Am I hurting you?"

"Who are you?" he asked.

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Well y'all, you made it! Sorry this first chapter such a mess, but I had to set it up.

Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated. I'm always working to improve my writing, and your review matter!

Last thing, I'm starting school this week so I can't promise regular updates, but I'm shooting for every week or so. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

This gets less and less medically accurate as I go along. Just roll with me here, it's fanfiction.

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Chapter 2- For the First Time… Again

"What happened to him?" the goddess-on-Earth with dazzlingly blue eyes demanded.

"It appears that Dr. McCord is suffering temporally graded retrograde amnesia," the doctor replied. _Who is Dr. McCord?_

"What does that mean, exactly?" she asked cautiously.

"He doesn't remember anything, but it appears that his cognitive and language skills are still intact." _Oh. I'm a doctor?_

"He doesn't remember _anything_?" The panic was evident in the woman's voice.

"It can happen after general anesthesia. I wouldn't worry, though, most regain their memories within a few days to a week," the doctor tried to reassure her. "You'll get your husband back in no time." _Wait a minute. Husband?_

"Okay," she said, clearly not convinced but unwilling to consider the alternative.

"In the meantime, just make sure someone's watching over him. The stitches can come out in a few weeks. Otherwise, you're good to take him home," the doctor said.

"Hold up," he piped up from the bed. "We're _married_?" The doctor sent the woman a sympathetic glance and exited the room. She sighed as the door closed and slowly walked to the chair next to the bed. She sat down and placed a delicate hand on his forearm.

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"No. I don't even know what my name is," he shook his head sadly. Everything felt strange. This woman who was a complete stranger, albeit she gave him a strong sense of deja vu, probably knew more about him than he did.

"Well, your name is Henry. Henry Layton McCord. I'm Elizabeth Adams McCord," she said. He could barely focus on her words, though, because the sensation of her hand running up and down his arm sent sparks of electricity throughout his body.

"And _we_ are married," Henry said incredulously. _I must be pretty handsome, then._

"Yes," she nodded.

"Like _married_ married?" A goofy grin spread across his face. _I hit the jackpot_.

"Yes," Elizabeth said again, although this time a faint blush rose to her cheeks. _Damn, she was adorable._

"How long?"

She gave him a wistful smile, recalling shared memories that he no longer had. "27 years, but we've been together for just over 30."

"Wow. We must really like each other." Her laughter, a joyous sound of a thousand angels singing, warmed his heart. Elizabeth kissed his forehead.

"Yeah. We do. C'mon, let's go home."

After signing finishing the discharge paperwork, Henry was wheeled out to the front of the hospital. Three black SUVs were parked on the curb, and two very intimidating men helped him into one of the cars.

As the cars pulled away, Henry started asking rapid fire questions. "Why do we have security and a driver? Are we rich or famous or something?"

"Well… I'm the Secretary of State."

"The Secretary of State." _That sounds important, but I have no idea what that means._

"Yup. I work for the President," Elizabeth spoke to him in an even, patient tone, as if explaining the world to a child.

"Where are we? President of what?" _How do I not know what country I live in?_

"America."

" _America_ ," Henry repeated as he gawked at the historical moments that whizzed by the window. He turned back to her and admired her beauty. His eyes roamed over her body, and his gaze eventually met hers.

"You're staring." _Shoot, she noticed. Was I that obvious?_

"You're just so pretty." The men in the front seat exchanged a glance and chuckled, and Elizabeth glanced down shyly as her face flushed.

"Henry" she said, almost as a warning.

"No, wait, you're more than pretty: you're beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous," he said, proud of the bashful smile that she tried to hide. "Have we kissed? Like on the lips?"

"Uh… Yes."

"Can you… Can we… It's just I don't really remember…" He leaned toward her, hoping that she would get the hint. She closed the distance, and then her lips were on his. It felt new and familiar all at once. He could feel her hesitancy and restraint in the chaste kiss. She kept her hand on his shoulder so their bodies barely touched. He placed one hand on her lower back and encouraged her to deepen the kiss. When she still seemed unwilling, he placed his other hand in her hair and coaxed her closer. Her restraint seemed to snap, and she pulled his face towards her. She took his top lip between hers and slid her tongue into his mouth. He hummed in approval as her tongue ran along the roof of his mouth. In return, he brushed his tongue along hers and lightly sucked on her bottom lip. She moaned softly into his mouth. _God that sound will be my undoing_.

"Is it always like that?" he asked once he came back to his senses. She smiled her beautiful smile that set loose a thousand butterflies in his heart.

"Yeah."

They kept their faces close, foreheads pressing together. Elizabeth spoke softly, "One time, we promised each other that if anything like this were to happen, if we ever forgot each other, we would make the other fall in love again."

"Well, I think you got your work cut out for you. I'm completely smitten already."

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So I felt like Henry's thoughts just worked better in present tense, but I didn't want to go back and change everything, so... Yeah. Bad English. Oh well.

Anyway, reviews are always welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Home is Where the Memories Are

When they arrived at the townhouse, three young adults, two girls and one boy, appeared before him. One looked like a twenty-something version of the woman who was, apparently, his wife. The shorter of the two girls had raven hair and warm brown eyes. The boy lingered behind the two. He looked younger than the girls, only just entering his teenage years.

"Hey kids, Dad's feeling a little loopy so I'm going-"

"We have kids?" Henry interrupted incredulously. He still hadn't quite comprehended the whole marriage thing yet, and now they have kids? _My day just keeps getting better and better._

"Oh my God. Mom? What's wrong with Dad?" The younger-looking girl sounded much like her mother did back at the hospital. Before Elizabeth could respond, the boy interjected.

"The government probably wiped his memory." _What's up with the conspiracy theories?_ "I bet the doctors were doing experiments-"

"Jason! Not helpful! The doctor said that his memory should return in a couple of days. In the meantime, we're just going to have to be patient with him. Noodle, everything's gonna be okay. Okay?" Before any of the bewildered kids could respond, Henry burst out into laughter.

"We named a kid 'Noodle?'" Elizabeth rolled her eyes and smacked his chest.

"It's just a nickname. Her name is Alison. Come on, Captain. Upstairs," she said and led Henry the stairs.

"I didn't sleep all night, so I'm going to take a nap. I advise you do the same, mister. You need to rest." They entered the bedroom. Elizabeth went off to the closet to change, but Henry barely noticed. He was overwhelmed by the comforting smell of the room. The aroma could only be described as sweet and faintly floral. _It's her_ , he realized. He inhaled deeply again, letting the sense of security wash over his senses. It was a welcome change from the antiseptic smell that had followed him from the hospital.

The photo that was sitting on the dresser looked old and somewhat faded. The polaroid showed a family- a mom, a dad, two boys, and two girls- smiling in front of a factory. _3326 South Beddington Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Patrick and JoAnne McCord._

"Elizabeth!" he called.

"Yes?" she emerged from the closet dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Patrick!" Henry exclaimed excitedly. "My dad's name is Patrick. And my Mom's name was…" He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. "JoAnne."

"That's right!" Elizabeth smiled, relieved that at least something was coming back. "Do you remember anything else?"

"Just snippets… I see my siblings, but I can't quite recall their names. I remember riding a bike and walking to school. Things are coming back, but only in short flashes," Henry explained. His triumphant tone dropped as he added, "I haven't gotten to the part where I met you yet, though."

"It's okay. I'm glad that you're starting to remember something," Elizabeth said as she grasped one of his hands. She gently pulled him towards the bed. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. Nap?"

"We sleep together?" _I'm not going to be able to sleep..._

"Yes, you dork." She teasingly poked his chest. "We're married, remember?"

"Right…" he said. She plopped herself down, giving him a smile and patted the other side of the bed. He crawled under the covers and found himself suddenly pulled towards sleep by the warm embrace of the blanket. The last thing he saw before his eyes slipped closed was her loving gaze and bright blue eyes.

 _Son, don't you want to go into the family business? It's perfectly respectable._

 _Don't you want to make your old man proud?_

 _College? Why would you want to waste money on that?_

 _Theology, Henry? Really? Couldn't you have chosen something useful?_

 _You think you're so much better than us just because you have that fancy degree?_

"Hey!" He bolted upright. Elizabeth's eyes snapped open at the sound of her husband's voice.

"I'm here! Baby, I'm right here. What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Should I call an ambulance?"

"God my father is infuriating! Who does he think he is, telling me that I need to go into the steel industry. And don't even get me started on Maureen..."

"Henry," she pleaded quietly.

"I want to go and give them a piece of my mind!" Henry began pacing around the bedroom. "Do they still live in Philly?"

"Henry," she said, a bit louder this time.

"What?" He paused his tirade as he noticed the downcast look upon her face.

"Your father… He passed away earlier this year," she said apologetically.

"Oh. Is my mom…?" She shook her head sadly. Henry sat back down on the bed, completely deflated. _How can I lose someone I just found?_

"Henry, I'm so sorry," Elizabeth whispered.

"Me too," Henry said, and he mourned the family that he just met.

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I'm not satisfied with this chapter, so I may come back an edit it. The next few chapters are coming together, and this was just kind of filler/trying to figure out how Henry regains memories.

I'd love to hear what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter title is named after a wonderful Sarah Barallies song.

Angst ahead.

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Chapter 4- Once Upon Another Time

Too tired to do any cooking, Elizabeth ordered Chinese food. The three kids quietly filed into the dining room and took their places around the table. Henry sat down in one of the two empty seats left.

"That's Mom's spot," Jason informed him and gestured to the other chair. "You usually sit over there."

"Jason, he doesn't remember," Stevie said to her brother. Then to her father, she said, "It's fine, sit wherever." Feeling obligated to abide by the rules, Henry moved to the opposite side of the table. Elizabeth returned holding a bag of takeout in her arms. The five ate dinner in an uncomfortable silence. _Is it always like this?_

"Any good news?" Elizabeth tried in vain to spark a conversation. "I'll start. Dad remembered grandma and grandpa. Also, I heard that the panda at the New York zoo had a baby. Who wants to go next?" No one responded. Henry picked at his food with the wooden chopsticks. _Well, this is awkward._

"I'm done. May I be excused?" Allison asked.

"Ali, do you feel okay? You barely ate anything," Elizabeth said.

"I'm just not hungry."

"Yeah, me too," Stevie added as she pushed her plate away.

"Okay, what's going on? It can't be my cooking." Her attempt to get them to smile with a self-deprecating joke fell flat. The three siblings shared a look. After a moment of silent discussion, Jason volunteered.

"I'll just say it: It's weird, having Dad like… this. He's our father, but he doesn't even know when our birthdays are."

"Come on, we need to stay positive." Elizabeth sounded like she was trying to convince the kids as much as herself. "He's started remembering things, and it's only been a day. Team McCord will power through, right?"

"We're not team McCord without Dad." Jason said. Henry looked down and swallowed hard, tightly controlling his facial expression. _He's not wrong._ The sound of a chair scraping across the floor caught his attention, and Henry watched as Jason softly disappeared to the kitchen. Stevie followed, avoiding all eye contact. Allison stared down at her mostly-uneaten plate, hair obscuring her face. She sniffled loudly, suddenly looking like a little girl instead of a young woman.

"Noodle? Are you okay?" Elizabeth gently touched her arm.

"I miss Dad." _Ouch. I miss him too, I guess._

"Oh baby," Elizabeth sat down beside her and pulled her close. Allison rested her head on her mother's bosom, soaking up her comfort. Feeling a little out of place, Henry stealthily cleared the plates, and Elizabeth sent him a grateful look. As he walked up the stairs, he heard Elizabeth whisper, "I want him back too."

Guilt and embarrassment followed him to the bedroom. His defective memory was tearing them apart, and there was nothing he could do. Tears of frustration and grief blurred the edge of his vision, but he blinked them away as Elizabeth stepped into the room.

"How is she?"

"She'll be fine," she said, sounding exhausted. Henry watched as she stepped into the closet and threw her shirt into a hamper in exchange for a sweatshirt. His mouth dried as he took in the smooth curve of her spine and the dip of her waist. Just before the fabric of the sweatshirt covered her back, Henry caught a glimpse of a long, thin scar. _What happened?_ She curled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. _A guy could get used to this._

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," Henry sighed. "I'm okay."

"What happened to your back?" He brushed his fingertips along the area where the scar was. When Elizabeth flinched, he yanked his hand away. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay. You didn't know. You don't remember."

"What's it from?" he asked again.

"It's a long story."

"I've got nothing but time and listening ears."

"I went to Iran to stop a coup," she tried to brush it off as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Wait. What? Why? What happened? How did you get hurt?"

"I went because it's my job and duty as the Secretary of State."

"Did you know the risks?" _Did she voluntarily put herself in harm's way?_ He couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea.

"I knew it was dangerous. _We_ knew it was dangerous," she corrected herself.

"But why? If you knew it was dangerous, why did you go?" _If she loves us, why did she leave?_

"Henry, I can't talk about this," Elizabeth said, and turned away.

"Elizabeth, what happened?" _Why is she shutting me out?_

"I was in the room… There was an explosion, and the window broke. The scar… It's from the glass. And then-" she stopped, her breath catching in her throat. "I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't talk about it." She dropped her face to her hands, and her breaths became shallow. _What's happening? Is she okay? No, of course she's not okay. I shouldn't have pried. What am I supposed to do?_

A mix of instinct and muscle memory took over him, and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her close. "I'm here; it's okay," he murmured soothingly as he stroked her hair.

"But you're not here! That's the problem! You're just… an empty shell of who you were." She cupped his face in her hands. "Henry, babe, I need you back. Please. I can't… I can't keep doing this." He averted his eyes, hurt and shocked. _What if she doesn't want me? What if I'm causing more pain alive than dead?_ Elizabeth buried her face in his chest as her tears seeped through his shirt. As Henry held her shaking body, a few tears of his own trailed down his face and landed in her hair.

After a shuddering breath and a sniffle, Elizabeth looked up and said, "I'm sorry. It's not your fault, and I'm eternally grateful that you're still here, even if you don't know who I am. I still love you with all my heart. We'll figure this out. Together." Henry tried to believe her, but the fate of his life, both past and present, felt very far beyond his control.

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Fair warning, I'm having difficutly with the next chapter. I didn't intend on writing the dinner scene and had originally planned to smush this chapter with the next one. Instead, I wrote the dinner scene because I needed to address how the kids were holding up.

As always, thank you for your kind reviews! They keep me going.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- God Goes Silent on Us All

 _Tommy went under the ice! Somebody help him!  
It's too late. I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do._

 _God goes silent on us all, Henry._

 _Mayday! Mayday! We're going down._

 _Still losing altitude. Both engines down._

 _I might never make it home…_

 _Targets neutralized. Mission success._

 _Gunshots._ "Henry!"

 _Screams._ "You're having a nightmare."

 _Blood._ "Babe, wake up!" He jolted awake, gasping for breath. He grabbed Elizabeth's arm, attempting to anchor himself to reality.

"Are you okay?" she asked, voice high with concern.

"Jose," he said.

"What?"

"Jose," he repeated. "Is he alive? Did he make it out of Pakistan?"

"Yes, he's fine. Jane is too. Babe, what else did you remember?" Elizabeth used her free hand to stroke his cheek, soothing his anxious mind.

"I remember war. Flying places, bombing towns, shooting people… I'm a murderer," Henry concluded. For the first time, he was afraid to remember anything more. _I've killed people. The blood of human life stains my hands. Why would she want me?_

"You did it for your country," she disagreed gently, as though they had had that conversation several times before.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" he asked, avoiding her gaze.

"Because you are a hero."

"Heroes save people. I couldn't save Tommy," he said quietly. _Heroes are brave. They don't let their best friends drown._

"Henry? Look at me." The hand on his cheek moved to his chin to tilt his head towards hers. He met her gaze, expecting disgust but instead finding warmth and sympathy. "You will always be a hero to me, no matter what. And what happened to Tommy was a terrible tragedy, but it was in no way your fault." _Repent tears wash out the stain of guilt. Saint Augustine._ He sighed. He desperately wanted to believe her words, but all he saw was Tommy's blue lips, eyes frozen open as the doctors carried his lifeless body out of the frigid water. The screams of injured men whose bodies had been torn apart by shrapnel, the smell of gunpowder and fuel, the taste of blood, and the reverberation of bomb blasts took over his senses in the perfectly quiet room. Memories of battles and bloodied comrades came streaming back to him, and the countless funerals of brothers in arms played on a loop in his head.

"You should rest." Her words started him out of his daze. Henry nodded and lied down. He wrapped the blankets around himself a little tighter as if the thin sheets could protect him from the images that bombarded his mind. Military senses back in proper working order, he could feel Elizabeth's watchful gaze on him. After a several minutes, he realized that she wasn't going to close her eyes until he did. Not wanting to keep her up, he tried to imitate sleep by taking slow even breaths. He even threw in a semi-convincing snore. _Wait. Do I even snore?_

"We've been married for 26 years. I can tell when you're sleeping, and your snore is a lot louder than that," she said. _Damn it._ He rolled over to find Elizabeth still sitting upright. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead then lied down, using his shoulder as a pillow. Her arm rested on his chest, fingers drawing lazy circles. Although her presence soothed his mind, the fear of seeing Tommy's body kept him awake.

"You know," she whispered, "'Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath,-'"

"'-and a glass of wine. Thomas Aquinas," Henry finished. He saw her smile out of the corner of his eyes.

"Your theology's coming back, Professor? I gotta say, I missed your quotes."

He let out a dry laugh that might have passed for a cough. With a distinct bitterness, he said, "I remember killing people, and all I can do is quote men of virtue."

"Henry, when you first came back from war, it took you a while to adjust back to civilian life. It will take you time to accept your past, and that's okay. I'll be here to help you every step of the way. But I can tell you that staying up and obsessing isn't going to help. So please, try to sleep." She sounded so sincere that he had no choice but to believe her. _Maybe they're right: Sleep will help._ Additionally, the close proximity of her body made him feel safe. Elizabeth's weight on his body felt so right. She breath on his neck prickled the fine hairs in a pleasantly distracting way, chasing away frightening images of war.

"Do you always sleep like this?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled, already half-asleep.

"Do we always sleep this close?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes we just hold hands," she responded. Then, slightly more awake, she asked, "Why? Are you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all," he said and pulled her closer, finally able to relax.

She shifted slightly and whispered, "Wake me up if you have another nightmare, okay?" He was asleep before he could respond.

* * *

Many apologizes, first for the late update, I had no internet this weekend. Second, this chapter is yet another unproofread mess and the next one will be too. I'm not satisfied with these chapters, but I'm hoping that then ending will make up for it. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me and you guys are awesome! Don't forget to review please!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter title inspired by a Nelson mandela quote. "Children are our greatest treasure. They are our future."

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Chapter 6- The Greatest Treasure

Henry woke up the next morning to a much colder bed. The curtains were open, and light streamed into the bedroom. With a stretch and a yawn, Henry went downstairs in search of Elizabeth. He found her ushering two kids out the door as she rushed around the kitchen.

"Good morning!" she greeted him as she filled her travel thermos with coffee. "I'm heading to work. I'm dropping the kids off at school, and Stevie has a class this afternoon, but she's still asleep. I tried to schedule my day so I'll be home before she leaves. I left my number on the coffee table in case you need anything… Also I left a photo album on the coffee table. I thought maybe if you looked through it, you might remember something." Elizabeth walked over to him and stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. Caught completely unprepared, Henry's heart skipped several beats as her lips made him feel warm and tingly. When she pulled away, he found himself breaking into an uncontrollable grin. _Wow. Yet another stellar kiss._ Before he had a chance to catch his breath or fix his face, she was already headed out the door. She waved over her shoulder and called, "Bye, love you! See you later."

 _Elizabeth loves me._ The idea filled him with a feeling of warmth and happiness. Henry never wanted to be apart from her, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering all of her quirks. _And I just might be falling in love with her._

After a rather uneventful morning of channel surfing and reading the newspaper, Henry decided to look at the photo album. The cover had "The Story of Us" written in neat calligraphy. The first photo was of twenty-something versions of the two of them at a park. Henry was smirking at the camera with his arm slung casually around her shoulders as if to say _yeah, she's mine_. Elizabeth was oblivious to the camera as she pecked his cheek. On the sky behind them, white puffy letters read, "Mar me, Elizabeth?" _Was that a discount skywriter? I'm so lucky she said yes._ The next photo was clearly taken on their wedding day. She wore a simple strapless white dress that flattered every part of her figure, and she held a bouquet of roses in her hands. _She's even more stunning now._ He stood behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, pressing a kiss into her hair. She smiled at the camera, radiating love and joy. The one after was a very grainy black and white photo. The background was grey, and something resembling a small white bean appeared to be the focus. In the bottom left corner, someone had scribbled, "First ultrasound, 8 weeks." In the fourth photo, Elizabeth was sitting in a hospital bed, donned in a gown. Her hair was pulled back, but some of it was stuck to her temples. Her face looked sweaty and tired but triumphant. In her arms, she held a tiny baby.

 _Dada?_

 _Yes, Stevie! I'm your dad._

 _I'm getting a baby sister? And she's in mommy's tummy?_

 _Daddy?_

 _You're so smart, Noodle._

 _Look! I can ride a bike!_

 _Pa?_

 _I love you already, Jason McCord._

 _I lost my toof!_

"Dad? You okay?" Stevie's voice interrupted the torrent of memories that were inundating his mind. He blinked, trying to focus on the woman in front of him. _God, she's beautiful. When did she get so big?_ "Dad? Why are you crying?"

"You grew up so fast," Henry choked out.

"Dad, did you…?" He nodded, unable to get words out. "Oh thank God." He pulled his daughter into a tight embrace as they both shed tears of joy. _My baby._ They stood holding each other, Stevie crying tears of relief, and Henry crying tears of pure joy.

"I'm home!" Elizabeth called out and let her briefcase clatter to the floor. Stevie ran to meet her mother.

"Mom! Mom, Dad remembered us."

"Really? _All_ of us?" His smile fell slightly. _Everyone but her._

"Well… almost everyone. I just can't seem to remember you. It's weird, it's like you're there, but you're also a stranger. It feels like you're in the background as someone I keep bumping into. I can see your face, but I don't remember anything about you."

"Oh." He saw a flash of disappointment and hurt cross her face, but it was quickly covered by a celebratory tone. "That's great!"

"More good news: I remembered how to cook!"

"Thank God, I don't think I could do another day of take out."

* * *

Please, please review! It's what gives me the courage to keep posting.

Thanks for sticking with me!


	7. Chapter 7

Chatper titled after "Only Love Could Hurt Like This" by Paloma Faith

* * *

Chapter 7- Only Love

 _Oh my God, you're asking me to be a spy._

 _I promise I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe._

 _How do you sleep at night?_

 _You can take his place._

 _Abort! Abort!_

 _Did we just give him up?_

 _He was a part of the negotiation._

 _It was for the greater good._

 _I played God with that young man's life and look what happened._

He woke up the next morning, heart pounding. White-hot rage filled his senses at the injustice. _How could she?_ He charged into the bathroom where Elizabeth was applying makeup. She saw him in the reflection and smiled, not noticing his vindictive fury.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"How could you?" He shouted. She jumped, startled by his voice. "Dimitri Petrov. How could you just barter his life away? How could you betray me like that?" _I trusted you. I was falling in love with you. You broke my heart._ A look of realization crossed her face, and she looked down at the counter. She slowly set her things on the counter as if buying herself time to figure out what to say.

"You should rest," she said softly as she turned to face him. "Maybe we can talk more when I get home or when you remember more."

"No, Elizabeth. I can't talk about it. I can't talk to you, not after what you did to me. To us," he spat. His glare met her eyes, shimmering with pain and sadness. _You let an innocent man die._

"Henry," she pleaded. She reached out to touch his arm, but he swatted her hand away.

"Just go," he demanded, voice dripping with venom. A tear rolled down her cheek, but it failed to stir any emotion in him. _She let him die_ , he repeated to himself.

"Henry, I love you. No matter what. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to." Her voice cracked. With one last regretful look, Elizabeth headed out the door. The fury and crackling tension, however, lingered in the room. He paced the floor, replaying the moment that Dimitri's fate was sealed.

"Damn it!" he cursed. _Dimitri is dead because of Elizabeth. The woman I almost fell in love with._ In an attempt to blow off some steam, he began to clean, beginning with the bathroom.

Several hours later, the house was spotless. Every single cabinet had been rid of useless content, every tile had been scrubbed until it gleamed. And yet, Henry's soul still felt as though it needed purging. He went for a brisk run to literally, if not figuratively, escape his inner turmoil. Thoughts and feelings swirled around him, and not matter how fast he ran, he couldn't get away.

Elizabeth had sentenced Dimitri Petrov to a most brutal death, the fate of any found guilty of treason in Russia, and yet here she was, hailed as a modern hero. She was free from the repercussions of that decision, and Dimitri had paid the full price. Henry too, had been escaped most of the aftermath, at least physically. Henry got to stand on the soil of a free country despite having convinced a young visionary to turn against his country. A young man who, in the end, had been murdered for the security of a country that had used his ailing sister as leverage.

Yes, Henry was walking as a free man, but emotionally, he was locked in a steel cage. There was nothing that could be said or done to change the situation, and that was what was tearing him apart. Anger rose in his throat again at the hopelessness he felt. Dead men don't need freedom, but they deserve justice. But what justice was to be served? The Russian government couldn't care less, and it seemed that the American government was no better. Didn't Elizabeth care? Didn't she get it? _Apparently not. She's a cold-blooded murderer._

By the time he made it back to the house, his breaths were coming in short pants and his body was worn. He kicked his shoes off, not caring where they landed. He was about to grab a glass of water when noticed something on his shirt. There was a wet, red patch blooming on the white fabric. It was warm and sticky. Lightheadedness clouded his thinking when a sudden sharp pain tore through his body. He barely had time to register what had happened before the the dizziness sent him towards the floor. The light streaming through the window slowly faded until he blacked out.

"Henry?" _It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss. Adams. I'm Henry McCord._

"Henry? Are you home?" _Elizabeth! Hey. I was wondering if I could take you out for some coffee after class?_

"Oh my God." _Mar me, Elibet?_

"Baby, can you hear me?" _I can't wait to spend a lifetime with you, Mrs. McCord._

"Henry!" _Henry, I'm pregnant._

"Wake up! Please." _Secretary McCord. I like it; it suits you._

"Baby." _If you're asking me to be the man beside the woman, I'm all in._

"You can't die on me." _You're a good man, Henry. I'm afraid that I'll become someone that you can't be with._

"I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life." _Okay, what are we gonna do here, Henry? Do you wanna go to counseling, start talking to lawyers, where are we at?_

"I don't care if you can't even look at me." _You said you think about it every time you look at me!_

"But you can't leave me." _How are we supposed to get past this?_

"Not like this." _No matter what, we're together._

"Not now." _I love you so-_

"Just hang on for a little bit longer." _Henry, I'm scared._

"Please." _I'm not going anywhere._

"Don't leave me." _I will always show up for you. Always._

"I love you." _I love you, so don't die on me, okay?_

 _Am I dying? No, this isn't right. I can't leave her. Not like this. Not right now. Not without apologizing. Not without saying "thank you." Not without saying "I love you" one last time. I can't die. Can I?_

 _Elizabeth sat in the hospital waiting room. Again. Agitated and anxious, she threw the magazine that she had been pretending to read back on the table and stared at the wall. With nothing to distract her, one thought echoed in her mind: My husband hates me, and now he's going to die. The tears blurred her vision as she blinked rapidly, trying to contain them. One escaped and left a wet trickle on her cheek. Her resolve broke, and hot tears began to stream down her face. Choking sobs shook her body as her heart shattered._

" _Please don't die."_

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I just had to change the last bit to clarify things. Hnery does remember Elizabeth, but now he's bleeding out and might die before he has a chance to tell her. Sorry about the confusion, y'all.

I was going to post the last chapter sooner, but now I'm super stressed about making it good. It will be up by Saturday no matter what, though.

As always, please let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, and how I can improve. Thanks everyone!

 **But seriously. Please Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter title goes to an Ariana Grande and Nathan Sykes song.

I'd just like to say a huge thank you to all of you who stuck with this story. You all kept me writing and help me feel more confident about posting. Without further ado, there's the last chapter!

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Chapter 8- Over and Over Again

 _She'd stopped crying about an hour ago. Or maybe seconds ago. She couldn't really tell. Time seemed to lose its meaning. She was aware of it passing, but she neither knew nor cared how much time. The seconds seemed to stretch into infinities, but the hours seemed to compress into fractions of a moment. She couldn't quite imagine a world in which her husband no longer loved her, and so, her world seemed to stop turning._

" _Madam Secretary?"_

 _She blinked out of her dazed before responding. "Yes?"_

" _Your husband is awake. Would you like to see him?" She hesitated. Of course, she wanted to see him. But did he want to see her?_

"Dr. McCord, it's good to see that you're up," the doctor said in a forced, chipper tone. "You ripped out a few stitches and lost a lot of blood. You're going to need to take it easy for a few days, but you can go home in a few hours. I heard that many of your memories are returning, and that's good news. I'm optimistic about your recovery, and I predict that you should be back to your old self in about a week. Just don't go for any more runs in the next week or so, okay?"

"Where is she?"

"Sorry?"

"My wife," Henry clarified. "Where is my wife?" _Did I make her leave?_

"She's waiting outside." _But she's always with me._

"Why is she outside?" The doctor paused and looked at him with what might have been pity.

"She said that she thought you would rather be alone. I can send her in if you like." _No, no, no. Why did I have to yell at her?_

"Please. I need to see her." _She doesn't know that I love her. How could I have let that happen?_ The doctor left, and a few moments later, the door opened. Elizabeth entered cautiously. She had definitely been crying. Her eyes were watery and red, her cheeks blotchy, and yet she looked more beautiful now than when she walked down the aisle. She stood a few feet from the bed, arms folded across her chest.

"How are you feeling?" She sounded detached, words carefully planned, as if she were trying to protect him from her emotions.

"Elizabeth, I…" Words failed him. Salty tears stung his eyes as he tried to grapple with the immeasurable amount of love he had for the woman standing in front of him. _How could I have forgotten?_ Concern flashed across her face, and she dipped her head down to avoid his gaze.

"I'm sorry. I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now. I should go," she said, voice catching in her throat. _No. Don't go. Not now; not ever._

"Baby, I'm the one who's sorry."

"For what?"

"I hurt you. I-" Elizabeth shook her head, silencing him.

"I'm just glad that you're okay."

Henry sensed that she was just barely holding it together in order to keep her distance. To break in front of him was to be vulnerable in front of the man who had forgotten the most important things about her."I remembered everything about you. About us."

Her eyes widened with surprise, and she met his eyes again. A tentative smile began to form on her lips. "Really?"

"Really," he confirmed with a nod.

"You mean… Everything? My terrible cooking skills? My tone deafness? My constant craving for popcorn and ice cream? The really awkward marriage counseling?" _Yes. All of it. And I don't regret any of it. I love you._

"Elizabeth." He said her name as a prayer and held out his hand to her, wordlessly begging for her to take it. Hesitantly, as if waiting for him to reject her, she brushed her fingertips against his. He pulled her wrist, tugging her closer. "You are my everything. I will never forget that ever again."

"Henry," was all she got out before the tears came. He held out his arms, and she collapsed on top of him. Sobs shook her body as the stress and pain of the last few days left her. He felt her fingers gripping his shoulders and neck, desperate to keep his as close as possible. One of his arms banded across her waist, locking their bodies together, the other rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"Thank you for not giving up on me. And I'm so sorry. Dimitri is alive, and you did everything and more for-"

"Henry, we're okay. You don't have to-"

"No. The way I treated you, the things I said will never be okay. I know I can't take any of that back, but I love you. I… I don't even know how to explain what I feel." His voice cracked as he too started to cry. The hand on her back trailed up her spine until his fingers tangled in her hair, encouraging her to bury her face into his chest. Henry rested his chin on top of her head, silently thanking his lucky stars for bring Elizabeth into his life. They held each other until they ran out of tears. Elizabeth pulled back just enough to give him a watery smile as she wiped the remnants of his tears with her thumb. He gave a shaky grin of his own and leaned forward to pepper her cheeks with kisses.

"I missed you," she sniffled, voice still scratchy and raw from crying.

"I missed you too," he murmured. "As Aquinas once said, 'The things that we love tell us who we are,' and I love you, Elizabeth. I didn't know who I was without you. I kept feeling like there was a missing piece, and it was you. In remembering who you are, I remember who I am."

Henry gently tugged at the strands of hair that were wrapped around his fingers, drawing her face closer to his. Elizabeth grinned coyly, taking the hint, and closed the gap between them. _This is home_ , he thought as their lips met sweetly. Henry took his time trying to convey to his wife everything he felt: guilt, gratitude, but mostly his passionate love. Elizabeth eventually broke the kiss to breathe. Henry was proud of the flush of her cheeks and the slight swelling of her lips.

"So, now that everything's back in there, how was falling in love again?" she asked playfully.

"Nothing new, really." She tilted her head, a confused expression on her face. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing across her skin with tenderness and love. "You still make my heart race when you smile, and you're still the most beautiful, kind, intriguing, brilliant, and wonderful human being I've ever met. There's not a second that goes by where I don't want to be with you. The truth is, I fall in love with you every single day. And every time, it gets a little better because with every moment, there's more of you to fall in love with." Henry leaned closer to her, their foreheads touching. He felt Elizabeth's breaths tickling his lips, the anticipation just has high as it was before their very first kiss. "No matter what, I'll always fall in love with you. Over, and over, and over again."

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I hope you all enjoyed this story and liked the ending. Y'all are the best!

 **Thanks again, guys. Don't forget to review!**

I'll be back next week with a new story. I have a longer one in the early stages, but I have some fluffy one shots I'll be posting in the mean time.


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